Hello everyone. My name is Nancy, and I'm a fraud.

I had a moment today.

I feel like the life I'm living isn't mine. I feel like a complete imposter who has gotten way in over her head. It's like someone's just about to sneak up behind me and call my bluff.

Doing my work today and feeling like I have no idea what I'm doing is NOT a good feeling. I sometimes feel like I'm way in over my head and I get that infamous "How did I get myself into this mess!" feeling so hard that I shiver. I'm convinced I'm just a placeholder until the 'real' person gets here. That my university degree, in all honesty, means jack-squat.

I prance around at work with a B.Sc. behind my name; but I know nothing. Absolutely nothing. I realize that now. I came out asking more questions than I had answered. My job requires a university degree as a basic requirement, but it means nothing. Absolutely nothing.

It's hard to come into a job with high level technology knowledge and computer lingo and expect people who have worked at their jobs for YEARS to welcome you with open arms. I realize that. It's also hard for them to welcome you with open arms when they have their noses 2 feet deep into a file dated 1939 for 'information'. I digress...

It also goes both ways too. You can't expect me to have a University education and also expect me not to use it. I did a slew of courses in Digital Cartography (GIS) and Microsoft Office products....how can you expect me to pull out a MapArt book to look up a property and expect me to use a typewriter to put address an envelope (Yes. I'm serious).

Don't get me wrong. I do enjoy what I'm doing. It's interesting (for the most part) and I get to put to use a lot of skills I enjoy using. However, for the first time, after a horrible few moments today, I realized that although I may know a lot of background stuff, I don't know much about the world of work. That my book smarts don't cut it with how 'old school' people do it.

So, I tread forward but going backwards while doing it. I must put my 'education' on hold while waiting for next generation of workers to come in. Then I can trade off this desperation feeling off to them, and the vicious cycle continues....