Idealist

As I've mentioned before, I have a lot of things going on in my life. Because of this, I've been doing a lot of thinking over the last few days and reflecting on certain aspects of it. On this little mind journey of mine, I've seen a lot of commonalities and similarities weaving through my life.

For as long as my memories take me, I've been called/assessed/labelled an idealist. I've been an "idealist" for much longer than I ever knew what one was. To be honest, I don't really know what an idealist is really either! According to Dictionary.com:

i·de·al·ist /aɪˈdiəlɪst/ [ahy-dee-uh-list] –noun
1. a person who cherishes or pursues high or noble principles, purposes, goals, etc.
2. a visionary or impractical person.
3. a person who represents things as they might or should be rather than as they are.
4. a writer or artist who treats subjects imaginatively.
5. a person who accepts the doctrines of idealism.

I bolded the parts of the definition that I thought were particularly striking. This definition isn't the greatest of descriptions for a person is it?

I'm at a point in my life where a lot of things are coming to a head; personal relationships, work commitments and education pursuits. I have approached each of these aspects of my life with idealistic glasses--my knight in shining armour, a job I love with extraordinary pay, and degrees coming out of the wazoo.

So here I am.

No knight.

I love my job; which pays me well; not extraordinarily high, but well.

No Masters or PhD in sight.

So, once again, I ask myself why am I not happy?

I believe I'm unhappy because I've not met my those idealistic expectations I've placed on myself.

That all being said, I've now reached a point in my life; the proverbial "fork in the road". I'm sending this message into the cosmos of the Internet hoping to find some answers.

Do I continue to dream impossible dreams because that is what my "idealistic" mind/body/heart/soul wants.....

...or do I tell my mind/body/heart/soul that it will continue to be crushed because there won't be a knight in shining armour to rescue me?

This is an argument I will wrestle with for a lot time to come....but hope to hear some inspiration in the meantime....