Still Off the Juice

Well all, I'm officially off the juice now for *time check* 2 full cycles, 12 days and 23 hours...and counting. I have definitely noted some interesting changes.

In the spirit of my new 'creative' energy, I shall count them down ....David Lettermen styles:

Top 10 Signs that Nancy has Been off the Pill for 2 Months!

#10: I've purchased stocks in Tylenol. With headaches all the time, might as well!

#9: I'm grateful that my work email won't open; one less thing I have to scream about under my breath.

#8: My face looks like I've reverted back to being a 13 year old pre-pubescent child.

#7: PMS has multiplied by a factor of 1 million. To the exponent 2 billion.

#6: I cry when the paternity result shows that he IS NOT the father. Damn that Maury Povich! But she was adopted...dammit! It was supposed to 'be'....ahhhhh

#5: TOM* arrives at random times of the day...instead of at 11am on Thursday. Yes, that's why I'm running to the bathroom on Tuesday/Wednesday/Friday with my bag. And yes, it used to be 11am on Thursday. Like clockwork!

#4: Male co-workers look in in direction and leave the room without even saying a word. PMS is that prevalent. It seeps into the air.

#3: Dreams about walking penguins become a nightly occurrence!

#2: Sleepwalking to the living room DECLARING that I have to walk my penguins becomes a weekly occurrence.

and the #1 reason you know Nancy has been off the juice for 2 cycles is................

#1: I'm hunched over my desk, digging into my abdomen....Now my ovaries stab my for approximately 3 days screaming "How do you like DEM apples!?"

*TOM=Time of Month...just in case you didn't' know