Another year draws to a close...

Well, another year has come to a close. What a year it has been as well. There have been plenty of ups and downs; but I'm so grateful for everything that I have, the lessons I've learned, and how much I've grown through the year. I'm blessed in so many ways and my blessings continue everyday.




Here are some of the things I've learned this year:

1. When purchasing a bra, the ultimate deciding factor should not be price.
2. Procrastination and dieting do not go well together.
3. One can own too much stationery.


On a more serious note, I've learned a few personal lessons this year as well.

1. Distance won't ruin a long lasting friendship. I've learned this hard lesson this year...
2. When you're in a crisis, you know exactly who you can count on; and know who will disappoint you.
3. I will never be 10% of the woman or mother that my mom is to me.

So, for 2006, I will continue to grow upon the lessons I've learned. I will build on my friendships, I will stick to those relationships that have helped me through my hard times and work on those which have disappointed me, and try to develop myself more like my hardwork and devoted mother.

May you all have a blessed and safe New Year!

"Really Nancy, Thank you for all your hard work today, it was really appreciated"

Whaaaa?

Yes, you heard it right. Straight from my manager's mouth today. I was shocked, bewildered, and had this weird feeling inside me. It was a nice feeling mind you. I learned that that feeling was called "feeling appreciated". I must say I like that feeling.

I have, I must admit, experienced this warm feeling before. I just didn't know what it was, and didn't know it had a name.

The fact that it happens so rarely is very sad. It is a nice feeling, and one that should be overshadowed greatly by demeaning, overbearing, "you did it wrong" type of feelings.

I guess when this "feeling appreciated" moment comes it helps me to appreciate my manager too. I understand how much stress she's put under, and that we're here to help her make her job easier. I also know--and appreciate--that she has to line up all her ducks in a row in order to be confident in herself. I understand--especially after our meeting yesterday--that she doesn't ask these stupid questions because of some sick sadistic tendency of hers. It's because she gets nailed for not knowing the answers.

You see, the one nice comment she made, dominoed into me "appreciating" her, which lead to me telling my husband and co-workers about the nice comment, which made others feel better....and so on.

The world would be such a better place if we all just stopped the negativity and gave out a nice comment or two to others. It would allow them to "feel appreciated" and perhaps domino others into feeling better too.

News Just in....(prepare thyself)

I'm a sensitive person. Anyone who knows anything about me can attest to this fact. I've been told every line in the book, for such a long time, including the following:

>I blow things up out of proportion
>I read too much into things and;
>I hear what I want to hear, and not what was actually said/meant/thought/felt/conveyed

I've been told these lines for as long as I can remember. As a small child, I could sense when there was pain in the air; when something wasn't just quite right. Yes, I know it sounds corny. "Pain in the air"....riiiiiiiiiight.

It's debilitating at times. I can tell when others are hurt/hurting and my heart clenches for them. Yes, clenches. I want to help in any way shape or form that I can. I often walk away losing a lot, including my pride most of the time. People may think this so fake because of how much I "seem" to care....but it's 100% genuine; all the time. For people to think that I'm not genuine would be the ultimate insult; so let me assure you; it's all real.

So, what have I learned from this?
Absolutely nothing.

I continue with this destructive behaviour, and harm myself over and over again... I guess I have to learn that when you reach out to someone, that they have to want to be reached. That when you’re genuinely concerned, that they, whoever they are, aren’t necessarily going to reciprocate your feelings.

Logically, I understand that. Sometimes I get in the "I really don’t give two craps", and don’t want to talk about anything. Logically, I understand. Logically.

Now emotionally, this is where my problem is. There is no connection between my logical brain and my emotional heart. They work alone and independently. This is my disability. I need to learn how to make the connection, and realise that the world isn’t out to get me....and make me feel like the crap that I feel.