Life Changing Career counseling

I'm tired. I'm overworked. I'm nauseous. I'm running on very little sleep.

Despite all these factors, for the first time in my life, I'm feeling hopeful. I'm starting to feel like I have a purpose. A purpose to help me discover more about myself and what I want to do with the remaining 80 or so years I have left in my lifetime.

My career counseling has been going well... better then well. I've discovered a lot, and become true to myself. I've had breakthroughs regarding my life, my schooling, my choices and where I'm at now. I've realized that I've accomplished a lot in my life, and haven't given myself a 'break'. I've spent so much wasted energy on what I haven't done, about choices that I've made without the knowledge I have about myself now (and beating myself up about it) and that what I've done up to this point in my life has not been a 'waste' of time. Most importantly, my life has not been a waste. It's been rewarding.

I thank my lucky stars for making that phone call on August 3, 2005. Shirin has been so helpful in defining me, my aspirations, and my thoughts on different subjects/skills/fields. I'm about 80% sure about making a decision regarding my next career choice. I've decided to do some more investigation into possible career choices prior to deciding on what it is I want to do. I want to give other careers a fair 'shake' before deciding on what I'm about to decide.

One thing I've developed through these sessions is a lot of patience. I've learned that my anxiousness to 'just make a decision' has perhaps not been the best way to go about things. Although I still (very much) do not enjoy making potentially life changing decisions, I must take the time to research, evaluate and relate them to me and others prior to making them.

If you wanted to take a look at her website (I've been told it's at a bare minimum right now) you can find it here.

If you wanted to ask me any questions about what we've done, or if you're wondering if it's for you, drop me a comment.
Shirin, in my humble opinion, comes highly recommended!

He's back! (kinda...)

Well...after many transplants, Herbert is back! It took way too much time (about a month) and way too much money (too ashamed to say..) but he's fixed.

My wonderful husband has brought out the fact that he's really not Herbert anymore. He has a new graphics card (plastic surgery), a new case (more plastic surgery), a new power supply (daily vitamins and protein shakes), a new processor (new brain) and a new motherboard (central nervous system).

So, it's fitting that I call him something else. I say him because only MEN can be that technically malfunctioned. So, what should I call my new friend? Dave suggested that I name him "Walker" as in George Herbert Walker Bush Sr. and George Walker Bush Jr. It's possible....

Perhaps you can make a suggestion!?

1 thing I've learned in my lifetime

I will never, ever ever never ever EVER never, ever ever never never NEVER ever EVER never, ever (EVER!@!!) ever never ever EVER EVVVVVVVVVVERRRRR play the "If you don't know, I'm not going to tell you game" EVER in my entire life again.

Not only is it infuriating, I honestly, as GOD as my witness have NO idea what I did to someone to tick them off. I know what you might be saying..."Yeah, yeah...just apologize, you know what you did. It can't be THAT much of a surprise". No, honestly folks, I have no clue. NOT A SINGLE SOLITARY CLUE.

I looked at things over time, things I said in certain conversations, things I've saved and read and re-read and I can honestly, unequivocally have come to the conclusion that I have no idea what has happened.

Not ONLY do I have no idea what has happened, I have no idea on how to communicate that very fact to the individual in question. I've apologized (for something deeply offensive, yet unknown to me), told them that I loved them and am there for them no matter WHAT....and still I'm given the cold shoulder and the infamous message of "If she doesn't know what she did, I'm not going to tell her".

What is that? I mean honestly...look at it... where does it get them? Where does it get me? Where does it get the situation? No where.

I just play endless, circling mind game wondering what I could have said differently when approaching her, apologizing to her, emailing her, trying to call her.....I reviewed all my options and have come to the same conclusion. I have no idea how to express to her that I have no idea what I've done, that whatever I've done that upset her was NEVER meant to upset her (taken out of context, misunderstood, never meant to hurt her), and that the ball is in her court if she wants to get past it (as I have no idea on how I can be more proactive...).

Anyhow, if you're reading this I love you very much, and I just want to get past this....like I said, and mean sincerely, I have no idea what offended you so much. I know that probably infuriates you more, but please try to see things from my end for 1/2 a second. I want to desperately resolve this....and if you want to too...you know where to reach me...the ball is in your court--and that's if you want to resolve it.

RIP Herbert

Well. Herbert has died. I have no idea how my little bucket of bolts decided to konk it to computer heaven; but it has. It has decided that it had enough of this world and blew smoke out of his little compressor--similar to his soul lifting up to the heavens.

I don't know what would have made him so mad at me. Sure, the occasional Diet Coke can hit his keys, I did the occasional cold boot to his system and once (or twice) I cursed at him.

But no, he has decided that he has had enough of his life here with his family and gone to live amongst the other pieces of equipment I have either torched, killed or maimed in some way or another.

Goodbye my friend. I'm sorry to see you go. I know your replacement will only ever be a 'replacement' because we both know the rough times we went through together.

RIP Herbert...

My "Coaching Session"

Well, I had my first "coaching" session with a career counsellor last night. I think it went fairly well. I suppose I was hoping for a little more to come out of it. This session was to get to know me better and she asked a lot of questions of where I've come from, my personal background, my educational background and what 'brought me there today'.

We talked about my family, my education and where I'm currently at in my 'career'. I told her, and re-iterated (about 100 times) that I didn't 'hate' my job, I just didn't love it. I don't mind what I do, and there are even some aspects of the job that I do rather enjoy. But as an overall picture, I'm not as happy as I would like to be.

She said that I have made a positive step forward, and going in the right direction. We're planning on having weekly sessions, for about 6 weeks to focus on me and my career goals. I've shown her every test I've done in the past, shown her the results and basically resigned to the fact that this process is indeed, a process.

So, my first few exercises is to go through and methodically detail what I've done so far. That would include my educational experiences, my hobbies, my past careers and career attempts and summarize everything into things I've enjoyed, things I've found 'so-so', and things I'd rather never do again. Using these experiences will start to help me piece together what I'd really like to do with my career and reach those goals.

She'll be emailing some documents outlining what she would like to see out me document and outline. The documents are basically exercises to help me think positively and help me to move forward, instead of keeping myself knocked down.

I'm looking forward to our next session already. I did feel better walking out of there. She basically said that sometimes we're so down on ourselves that we have a very hard time pulling back and looking at everything we've accomplished in our lives..and you know, she's right. Giving ourselves a break and looking at our lives is difficult; at least it is for me. I'm going to start giving myself a break and realizing that I'm starting to move forward. I'm not going to let some of the decisions that I've made in the past haunt me. I made them with the tools and information I had at the time.

It is now time to look forward and feel hopeful. I'm happy to say, that I am...and I do!

Acting Strangely....What to do....

What do you do when someone you love acts out of character. I didn't want to write "starts to act out of character" because this has been going on for quite some time now.

She's become short tempered, easily frustrated and hates other people. I don't ever recall her stating she's ever "hated" anyone.

Perhaps it's as simple as stress, a one off type of deal and things will get back to normal. I'm hoping this is the case.

I have a feeling that it is not though. I feel that this more of a deeply seeded type of thing. Something that has festered over time and has started to unveil itself. What has triggered this off? Again, I can only speculate. Bad influences? Maybe. Drugs? Possibly. Psychological? Perhaps.

The one thing I know, is that I love her very much, and do not like to see her this way. I do not like the tone she's taken with me lately...not that I'm her mother mind you...but you know what I mean. She's different. I just wish she would go back, realize some of the hurtful things she has said/done and make amends. At the end of the day, I hope she sees that I've supported her completely, even if I haven't supported some of the decisions she's made in the past.

A "mid" mid-life crisis...(it's a long post!)

Ok, so I'm rapidly approaching 30 and I have no idea what I'm doing with my life. I have no career direction and the worst part of it is, I don't know WHAT I want to do.

I have plenty of ideas, sure. That's hardly the problem. I have ideas flying out of everywhere. You see, sometimes I think my 'ideas' are what's getting me into trouble.

I'm currently working for a City Government. I work with the real estate department and within the Portfolio management section. Yes, sounds very glorious; I know. But it's not. We get to track (and I use that term loosely) all the properties we (as the City) own and let other people know what's available for sale/lease or otherwise. I have found a job within my 'field' of study (B.Sc. in Geography), which many people cannot say.

Please don't get me wrong; I don't hate my job. My problem is I don't love it. Granted I loved my schooling and I love Geography, I even like working for the City...but I don't love it. Sure, the money is good. I get wonderful benefits, and I even have a good manager (when she's not having a bad day). I'm wonderfully grateful for the opportunity I have. My problem is, I don't LOVE it. I don't wake up in the morning and feel good about where I'm going. I don't dread what I'm doing--not at all. I like what I do; I just don't love it.

I guess a portion of my problem is that I have too many dreams. Dreams that surface and then leave....Allow me to share some of them with you.

I dreamed about becoming a teacher when I was in high school and university. I then became a teacher's assistant for 2 semesters and dreamed of when it was all going to be over. I quickly abandoned that train of thought. I hated following up with stupid students, organizing lessons and entering numbers into little spreadsheets. I hated having to cover for other people and hated having to repeat myself to these little people who kept rolling their eyes. I mean...honestly. How many times do I have to tell people that high pressure systems move clockwise and move storm systems? Common people. As you can tell, my tolerance level is quite low. Although I decided to stay around for another year of schooling to get a second 'teachable' for teacher's college if I ever DID decide I wanted to go...I believe it might have been a waste of time. Besides, who wouldn't want to have 2 month vacation, every year?

I then thought about nursing. Ah...nursing. My cousin is wrapping up her nursing program and I thought, hey, sounds interesting. Work regular shifts (somewhat) and you get to help on the front lines. People hurt themselves, you're there to help them and they feel better because of what you do. Right up my alley. Then I learned that there's 4 years of schooling involved, that nursing isn't as glorious as it sounds (i.e. wiping people's bottoms, sponge baths, and rude older people). Although 12 hours on 24 hours off is considered 'regular', it didn't appeal to me in the long run.

I've then thought about the career counselor type of position. I mean, I love helping other people, and if I can't figure out what I want, I guess I can help other people figure out what THEY want. I love doing personality inventories. Myers-Briggs are my hero's. I've done these tests on numerous people, and I get such satisfaction about seeing how it helps them learn more about themselves. I did some research online and learned that that type of field mainly hires meddling head hunters, grotesque/savage people who bug other companies to get someone off your list. "Have I found someone for you!" is not how I would like to start a conversation.

I then thought about the emergency medicine field; being a paramedic to be more specific. I would ride around in a car all day with cool siren and have people get out of my way. "I'm off to RESCUE someone dammit! Move!"
I've always loved ambulances; always admired them sacrificing everything to get to someone who couldn't help themselves. I met someone at work who was a paramedic and asked her a whole bunch of questions. She even agreed to ask her supervisor to get a 'ride-out' with her one day so I could see what it really was like. I asked her about the blood, gore and stuff like that. She's said she came across dead bodies 'all the time' and various 'smells'. Hmm. That's interesting. I guess I never saw that 'side' of it. My hubby also said if I was ok working on cadaver and stuff like that. I'm presently about 90% sure I'm abandoning that career path.

So, where does that leave me?

A very intriguing question. It leaves me in a place where I know a few things about myself. If anything, it has been a great learning process. Allow me to share some of my results:
(a) I want to help other people. Not in a round about way, but in a direct and physical way.
(b) I do not appreciate the business world. It is a cruel place that just demands the wrong things from me.
(c) I cannot work on cadaver.
(d) I can't wipe people's butts for a living. (figuratively or literally)
(e) I still appreciate sirens.

If you have any ideas...Drop me a comment. I need all the help I can get!